From the couple’s attire to the reception design to the uniquely meaningful words exchanged in vows, there are plenty of happy surprises that occur throughout a wedding day. But some brides and grooms are taking the concept of a big reveal one big step further. Surprise weddings are on the rise. And why not? Many couples are absolutely ecstatic to forgo the traditional nuptial route, with all its stressful planning, and excite friends and family with an invite to an off-the-cuff celebration.
Though most of us haven’t experienced this kind of surprise wedding. In the business of getting hitched share that it’s not so uncommon, especially among couples who have been together for a long time, are remarrying, or had plans postponed due to the pandemic. But even if a couple has been plotting the big day in secret, the element of surprise guarantees that they’ll kick off their marriage with a bang.
A lot of couples will say “it made sense for us.” It is for those couples who never valued a big traditional wedding approach to their celebration. Sometimes hosting a smaller event, allows for possibilities you never thought of initially. With most venues running the show, certain suppliers to be in and out at a certain time, surprise weddings are typically with 25 guests or less. Making it a micro wedding or an elopement style approach. This allows the couple the freedom who host a multi day event, take their time and enjoy with their loved ones.
After hosting a small secret ceremony back home that allowed older family members to join, the couple threw a multi-day friends-only bash with the ceremony taking place within the first hour of their evening event. The bride swapped her pink sequin ensemble for a wedding gown and her planning team assembled an aisle as a live band brought dancing guests out of the venue. She reflects, “Approaching the planning with the mindset that this was a birthday party with some vows thrown in took a lot of the pressure off and just made it fun—best decision besides marrying each other.”
While some couples, like the Hinmans, strategize their surprise events months in advance with the aid of a full-service planning team, others say their decisions to wed were spontaneous. After touring venues and feeling like nothing clicked, Katherine Killough realized she wanted her wedding to be an intimate dinner hosted in her parents’ backyard. Luckily, the next day was her engagement party at that exact location. She asked her fiancé, “Why don’t we just get married tomorrow?” After roping in a photographer friend to take pictures and an officiant who had a last-minute cancellation, the plan was set. The couple revealed their intentions to a select group of loved ones ahead of the 60-person event and gave everyone a huge, joyous jolt as they emerged to exchange vows. “We missed some family and friends, but the ones who were there were so caught up in the moment,” Killough shares. “Everyone was so emotional and love was in the air.”
Another bride swapped her engagement party plans for a surprise wedding. She’d been planning a stylish affair at the West Palm Beach home of a friend and decided to make it the main event after beginning to feel the burden of hosting a traditional celebration. “Two weeks before the engagement party—feeling frustrated with the stress of wedding planning—my now-husband and I decided to turn our engagement party into a wedding,” explains Walsh. “I had been in talks with the Norton Museum of Art in West Palm Beach for several weeks and was moments away from signing a contract. We didn’t tell anyone except our vendors and a couple of family members.”
While it might not be as heavy of a lift as a traditional wedding, there are some challenges that come with hosting a big surprise. “It adds several layers of complexity to the usual challenges of wedding production. Not only is it critical to maintain complete discretion and secrecy in advance, it’s also imperative to create an invitation that compels guests to attend the party in the first place.”
Their first tip? “Commit to the secret—our clients didn’t tell their family what was happening until the day of the wedding in order to ensure that it didn’t slip,” they say. If you need to enlist some planning help outside of professionals, bring in a trusted friend or family member that you know will stay mum. It’s also fine to spill to (then swear into secrecy) certain out-of-town guests you really want to attend. Beth Williams, who helped orchestrate her daughter’s 100-guest surprise wedding at the Hotel Chelsea, said the couple told immediate family and friends who lived in Los Angeles ahead of the day. “We feared they might not make the cross-country trip for a party,” she explains.
Next, allow guests time to arrive. “Give guests a 30- to 45-minute buffer between the start of the event and the ceremony,” Hall and Vanco advise. “If guests don’t know there’s going to be a ceremony, they aren’t likely to arrive right on time.” They also recommend passing hors d’oeuvres during this waiting period, elaborating that “if guests are going to be standing and cocktailing pre-ceremony, you need to make it feel like a true cocktail party!” Their final rule? “Have a rehearsal. Even if there aren’t many individuals that are in on the secret, have those individuals practice the night before or earlier that day—you want to ensure the entire process is smooth and choreographed.” After all, you want that big reveal to have a wedding-worthy impact.
Are you on the hunt for a wedding photographer to capture your surprise wedding and give it as much thoughtfulness, love and passion as you deserve? Then I would love to hear from you. Reach out here.
