As a luxury wedding photographer who travels from the sun-drenched beaches of Australia to the romantic vineyards of Europe, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless couples exchange vows in some of the most stunning locations around the world. Every wedding ceremony is unique—whether it’s an intimate elopement under the stars or a grand celebration at a luxury estate. Yet, there’s one universal truth: the vows you exchange on your wedding day are the heart of the ceremony.
More and more couples are choosing to write their own vows, making the moment even more personal and meaningful. If you’ve decided to forgo the traditional script and craft vows that truly reflect your love story, the process might feel a bit overwhelming. But don’t worry—I’m here to guide you through how to write vows that are not only heartfelt but also leave a lasting impression on your partner and your guests.
What to Include in Your Wedding Vows
Think of your vows as the most important words you’ll ever speak, not only to your partner but also in front of the people who matter most to you. While vows can vary from a heartfelt few sentences to a poem or even a song, most follow a simple yet powerful structure. Here’s a framework to get you started:
1. Address Your Partner
Begin by speaking directly to the love of your life. This is a sacred moment, so let your words reflect your genuine feelings. Acknowledge them, their impact on your life, and how they make you feel.
2. Recap Your Love Story
You don’t need to tell every detail, but it’s lovely to mention a memorable moment that stands out. Think of your first date, a trip you took together, or even that quiet, everyday moment that made you realise they were ‘the one.’
3. Admire the Person You Love
What are the qualities that make your partner special? Do they have an unwavering sense of humour, incredible strength in tough times, or perhaps the gentleness that helps calm your nerves? These are the traits that should shine through in your vows.
4. Describe What You Appreciate About Your Relationship
This is where you can share what makes your relationship unique. Whether it’s your ability to be each other’s rock, the way you challenge one another, or how you’ve grown together, your vows should reflect this deep connection.
5. Promises for the Future
This is the essence of wedding vows—the promises you’ll keep as you build your future together. Aim for three to six promises that are meaningful and enduring. Whether it’s “to support you through every adventure” or “to always listen with compassion,” make these promises specific and timeless.
6. Close with a Vision for Your Future Together
End on a hopeful, forward-looking note. Envision the life you’ll build and the dreams you’ll chase side by side.
Typically, vows are around two to five minutes long. Short and sweet is often best—especially in front of a crowd. You want your words to be heartfelt but also to keep the ceremony flowing.
Tips for Writing Your Wedding Vows
Writing vows is a deeply personal and reflective process. It’s one of the most intimate parts of wedding planning, and it’s worth dedicating time to get it just right. Here are a few tips to help you craft vows that are as beautiful as your wedding photos will be:
1. Start Early
Writing wedding vows shouldn’t be something you try to squeeze in last minute. It can take time for emotions to settle into words, so start brainstorming at least a few months before the big day. This gives you time to reflect without feeling rushed.
2. Reflect on Your Relationship
Take some quiet time to sit and think about the moments that shaped your relationship. What are the moments that have made you fall deeper in love? Write them down—no judgment. This will give you a treasure trove of inspiration for your vows.
3. Don’t Stress Over the Perfect Structure
The best vows come from the heart, not from trying to stick to a rigid format. Don’t worry if they don’t sound “perfect” at first. Think of your vows as a love letter—let the words flow freely. You can always refine them later.
4. Be Authentic
These vows are a reflection of you and your partner, so make sure they feel authentic to your relationship. If you’re not the type to speak poetically, that’s perfectly fine! Your vows don’t have to be Shakespearean to be meaningful. What matters is that they come from the heart.
5. Include a Bit of Playfulness
While your vows should be heartfelt and sincere, it’s perfectly fine to add a little humour or lightness. Maybe it’s a promise to always let your partner have the last slice of pizza, or to continue making them laugh during tough times. This adds a personal touch and keeps things real.
6. Keep Your Guests in Mind
It’s easy to get swept up in the emotion of the moment, but remember that your vows are also for your guests to hear. Be mindful of how personal or private your words are—avoid sharing things that might make your partner uncomfortable in front of an audience.
How to Recite Your Wedding Vows
Once you’ve written your vows, the next challenge is delivery. After all, it’s not just what you say, but how you say it that makes the moment unforgettable. Here’s how to deliver your vows with confidence and authenticity:
1. Practice Makes Perfect
Read your vows out loud—again and again. This will help you get comfortable with the flow and tone. Pay attention to pacing; many couples speak too quickly in the excitement of the moment. Slow down so that every word is heard clearly and with emotion.
2. Be Expressive
Your vows are a declaration of your love, so make sure they come to life with the right tone and gestures. You’re telling your partner how much they mean to you, so let that shine through your voice and facial expressions. Practice will help you feel more comfortable and animated.
3. Don’t Memorise, Just Familiarise:
It’s tempting to memorise your vows, but this can lead to stress if you forget a word or line. Instead, familiarise yourself with the words so well that you can speak them naturally while making eye contact with your partner. The goal is to connect, not to recite a script.
4. Stay Calm and Present
Remember, this is your moment. Take a deep breath before you start and focus on your partner. Don’t worry about what anyone else is thinking; your vows are for you two. Be in the moment, and everything will fall into place.
A Final Thought: Your Vows, Your Way
As a wedding photographer, I’ve seen so many couples make their vows their own. Whether it’s a quiet exchange of handwritten promises with the mountain top views in New Zealand or vows spoken under the private forest, what matters most is the intention behind your words. There’s no “right” way to do it—your vows are a personal reflection of your love and commitment to each other.
If public speaking isn’t your thing, or if you want a more intimate moment, you can always exchange vows privately after the first look or even write letters to be read before the ceremony. The beauty of a wedding is in its personal touches. So take your time, speak from the heart, and create vows that will be as cherished as the photos capturing those unforgettable moments.
In the end, your vows are a promise that lasts far beyond your wedding day, and when you look back at your wedding photos years from now, you’ll smile knowing those words came from the depths of your heart.
If you’re still on the hunt for a wedding or elopement photographer to pay special attention to detail to capture every moment, laugh and tear then I’d love to hear from you. Reach out here.
